Monday, December 21, 2009

I'm gonna be completely honest....

and mushy. (don't say I didn't warn you)

For the past couple months I've felt like there must be something wrong with me. I have always been excited about the baby, I knew it was coming but there was something missing.
Sure, I cried at the ultrasound & teared up when we heard the heartbeat but something just wasn't quite right.
I just didn't have a connection with the baby.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone.
But one day last week, I was sitting on the couch & feeling it kick, and in that instant, for whatever reason, it was there.
The connection was just there.
I was unprepared for how powerful it would be.
I don't know if my delayed connection was because of all the fears, sickness & raging hormones that come with the first trimester. Maybe it happens at different times for everyone. I don't know, but what I do know is that I feel whole now, I don't feel awkward talking to the baby now. Instead of just being inside me, I feel like it's a part of me.
I love little baby kicks & flutters. I love the fact that my husband has been able to feel it a couple times already.
I love that when I'm laying on my back in the morning, the fluttering will sometimes get really strong, like it's pressing against me, & then you can feel a hard place on my stomach about the size of my palm in that location. I love that a few minutes later, the hard spot won't be there anymore & it will pop up 5 inches from where it was.
I just love all of it.
So much.

I warned you it was going to get mushy.

1 comment:

AJ said...

Don't feel bad about the whole "connection" thing. I know what you mean, and it does make you feel a bit guilty. I'm so excited that you can feel the baby now, and I can't wait until I can feel mine!