Thursday, February 18, 2010

So Long, Insecurity (Week 1)

Hi everyone!
Welcome to my first week discussing the book "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore.
For those of you that haven't gotten your copy yet, just let me know. I can hook you up!

I know these posts will have a little more depth than what you're probably used to reading on here but I'm kind of excited about it. It will mix things up a little. I love goofing off & being funny, but there's more to me than that, so I hope you'll stick with me on Thursdays too.
Let's go.

As I picked up the book, and started reading this week, I was kind of just coasting through. The first several pages were an overview of Insecurity & I was pretty sure that I had a good grasp on what the word meant.
It's something I have always dealt with. At times worse than others, but it's been present in my life for as long as I can remember. I've always worried about fitting in. I was never one of those girls that could shake it off and say "Who cares what they think anyways?" I mean, I could say those words, but inside I was saying "I care! Maybe I shouldn't... but I do."
So as I grew up, I learned to adapt. Or at least I thought I had. Until I read this...

Our minds start sketching what a self-conscious person looks and acts like, and we know we don't want to be her. After all, we have way too much pride to be her. But the truth is, she's not as easily pegged as that seventh grader who has perfected the art of changing into her gym clothes without first taking off her dress. I hate to state the obvious but all it takes to be chronically self conscious is to be chronically conscious of self.
Self consciousness is an acute self matter how it's externalized in life.
The self conscious person may protect herself with plainness and try to blend into the paint but she may also dress herself to perfection and stand squarely in the spotlight.....Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory of her place in the space.
She may like it or hate it, but she is rarely oblivious to it.
~Beth Moore

And I thought that I had learned to adapt. What I've really done is learned to be one or the other. I was most definitely the girl that learned how to change clothes without undressing, but now? Some days I want to blend in, some days I want to look perfect, but the root issue stays the same. I'm insecure about my appearance. Almost always.
The delete button on my camera gets far more attention than it should, and that's if I let anyone take my picture to begin with.
I cringe when I run into people I know at the store, which is almost always on a "athletic pants and baseball hat day".
You know what kind of days I'm talking about.

And Pregnancy?
With all the joy, happiness and amazement it has brought to my life, well let's just say it hasn't helped my little problem. I wouldn't trade being pregnant with my daughter for anything, In fact, I'm actually loving being pregnant. Feeling her move it's like a miracle every time and I cherish this time I'm getting to spend with her that I don't have to share with anyone else.
But just as far as insecurity goes, maternity clothes are awful. I haven't felt like I looked good in anything I've had on in months. Partly because, at 6 months, I still have practically no belly. I have a little one, but instead of baby belly, it looks like I've been nommin' on cheeseburgers. And that's what people tell me! Either that, or they give me the side-eye and tell me I don't look pregnant.

Which obviously re-lights the fire under the whole insecurity problem, and I don't know about you but it's one problem that I'm more than ready to kick to the curb.

Insecurity is miserable. That's the bottom line. We don't need it. We don't want it. And we really can live without it. So what would happen if we quit being accomplices in our own misery?
~Beth Moore

I don't know what will happen. But I'm ready to find out.
So long, Insecurity.

No comments: